Sunday, December 4, 2011

Right, Wrong or Otherwise

As a mom of three children, I often try to think carefully how I am going to word things to my children.  When my son was growing up I don't think that I was as conscious of this but now that I am a mom a second time around and have matured and grown some wisdom, I always try to put a positive spin on my comments to my children.  I don't want to sound like I have stars in my eyes and that I am in la la land but have you ever noticed how much negative information is sent our way, from loved ones, our peers to society.  Criticism comes from the individual who is dishing it out and it has too do with how they see the world not necessarily how we see the world or how we perceive our own behavior or the outcome that we are looking forward to.  I realize that there is constructive criticism and that someone may have more experience in a situation than we do, and that is wonderful but I don't want to be confined to just one way of thinking because there are always more than one way to do some things and it doesn't matter how you achieve the goal just as long as you get there in your own time.

When I was younger I had very thin skin and I took everything so personally, I personalized a lot of comments that were directed toward me and I would deliberate with anyone who would listen too me and it usually ended up with me feeling bad and beating myself up and saying negative things about myself and the other person and trying to defend myself.  Don't get me wrong, sometimes when my husband, son or parents can still stop me in my tracks and I can reel with what has been said but I have learned to handle those situations differently, I ask for clarification and share my thoughts or feelings with that individual instead of stewing on it and making it much simpler and lets me move on. I have spoken about this book before in my blog but I do believe that is was a life changer for me and has helped me to see things differently.  The book is the Four Agreements by Don Miguel Ruiz.  One of the chapters that I think relays to what I am talking about today is Don't Take Anything Personally.  This is very hard to do because I believe a lot of us are emotionally charged and we feel very invested in situations but if you can Not Take Things Personally we are all so much better off and we can still feel at peace with ourselves and also not feel so upset by others words or actions.

So really why did I decide to write this post today?  Well I have been looking around and there are so many rules and regulations and people feel the need to tell you how they think it is!!!!  But I think we need to learn to listen to ourselves and process what they are telling us and see if it fits for us and if it doesn't pleasantly say thank you but I think I am going to follow my own path.  We need to learn to move forward in life and all get along, but getting along doesn't mean that we have to follow how others tell us to live, run our business, how we look, how we dress, how we manage our blogs, or even how we operate in our families or with our friends.  We can do our best, but our best may be different from others but we must true to ourselves, because that will give us peace.  We need to be loving and kind to ourselves and be forgiving of ourselves and others.

I try to be open and kind, do I always achieve this, not always, do I sometimes take things personally yes, especially when it is something that I have thought of myself.  I try to reframe my thoughts and shake off those feelings if they don't make me feel good, because I have learned over the years that having my mind in the toilet, usually life starts to look alot like the toilet too.

So how do you take care of your mind and spirit?  What do you do when criticism comes your way?  Are you loving and kind to yourself?  Do you remember to take care of yourself too?

Much love,

1 comment:

  1. Great post Penny! I'm going to check and see if my local library has this book. I also talk a lot about the power of words to my kids. Something as simple as saying, "I hate that game" can so easily turn into, "I hate you". I know people think I"m weird for banning words like that, and that's ok. Have a wonderful day!


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